My First Blog

I don't know if this will help or not. 
My Blog is Called Life After Rick.
I feel I need to share some of my thoughts, having been widowed suddenly at age 57.
My husband Rick Scott, died at age 67, of a heart attack, on November 11, 2010.
Remembrance Day. 
How appropriate for a History Teacher.
More about him and his life another time.

I am angry he died. 
I am angry he did not take care of himself.

I am angry that now I cannot get motivated to do what I want to do.
Before he died, I used him as an excuse for things not getting done.
Now, I don't have him as an excuse, do I?

I should get my house in order.
I should do a lot of things.
I should grieve more, too.
I am disappointed in myself for not being more active, more healthy, more busy.

I need help to get motivated. 
What should I do?
There really is nothing stopping me now.
I should be able to do what I want, and what I should do.

What is stopping me?  What am I afraid of?